Step 4: Find Your Life Purpose

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You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle… – Steve Jobs

Do we have a purpose in life? Are we here on earth for a reason or do we have to find our own purpose in life? Honestly, I don’t really.

The article is the fourth of the following personal development plan series:

So do we have a purpose? Whatever may be the answer, I believe that having a life purpose gives us direction in life and inspires us to do great things while bringing us higher levels of fulfillment at the same time.

In the step 3 of this personal development plan we talked about core values. Identifying your core values will help you find your life purpose as you will be able to better understand what is really inspiring, what really matters to you. It is hard to find your life purpose if you don’t know your core values.

Do I Really Need A Purpose In Life?

Having a clear purpose in life gives you directions and enables you to better focus your energy on a long-term goal that is inspiring you. Focus is the key element to success and without knowing what you want you just can’t focus.

Having a lifetime goal that is based on your deepest values is what will make it possible for you to persevere and to keep going when things are getting tough. As Jim Rohn used to say: when the why is stronger, the how gets easier. It will also allow you to design worthy goals that revolve around that purpose.

How Specific Should Be Your Life Purpose?

Your life purpose doesn’t have to be extremely specific to be valuable. Your life purpose is rather here to give you directions and make it easier for you to make choices in life. You may in fact derive a lot of different goals from your life purpose.

Sometimes, people who really love their job become depressed after they retire or when they happen to lose their job. They suddenly lose their sense of purpose and direction in life. However, if they had a bigger life purpose that goes way beyond the scope of their job in the first place, they would have been able to find another way to express it and would have maintained a strong sense of purpose in their life.

For instance my life purpose is:

“Improving myself every day, living up to my full potential, and helping others realize theirs so that they can live happier, more fulfilling lives.”

It may sound very general to you but it totally resonates with me. It goes beyond the scope of any job. The current way for me to express it would be to have a successful personal development blog, to write books and to coach people to help them improve their lives. Let’s assume now that none of these activities actually work out for me. Then, what would I do? I would find another way to express my life purpose. I could become a teacher of some sort or maybe a counselor and could probably come up with many other possibilities.

The Characteristics Of A Great Life Purpose

I got most of the following points from  the life coach and blogger Celestine Chua’s free e-book Meaning of Life: How To Discover Your Life Purpose (You can get it here). I think they are great points to consider when looking for our life purpose.

A great life purpose should be:

  1. Timeless: If you could use a time travel machine and go back in time or travel to the future, your life purpose would remain the same.
  2. Universal: If you were born in a different part of the world your purpose would still be the same.
  3. Inspiring: Your life purpose should be truly inspiring and allow you to unleash your full potential and experience a real sense of fulfillment. When your purpose resonates within you, what you’re doing doesn’t feel like work.
  4. Transcendent: Your life purpose should allow you to transcend your ego. Most of us work to make a living, to gain recognition, or to feel accepted by the society. A genuine life purpose should come from a place of love, not fear. When you have a clear life purpose, you no longer act out of fear. Although we may not be able to eliminate our egos, we should aim to control it and act from a place of love as much as possible.

Let’s look at my current life purpose now to see if it fits the characteristics mentioned above.

1. Is it timeless? Yes. If I were born one thousand year ago it would still work.

2. Is it universal? Yes. If I were born in a different country it wouldn’t change.

3. Is it inspiring? Yes. For me it is inspiring.

4. Is it transcendent? Yes. At least, I’m trying to act ouf of love, but I should mention that my ego definitely gets in the way in many occasions.

Finding Your Life Purpose Through Your Challenges In life

Sometimes, your greatest difficulties in life can give you strong meanings. Overcoming your challenges and helping other to do the same might very well become your life purpose.

For example, you may have been abused when you were young and decide to spend your life helping others people in the same situation. By doing so, you transform your difficulties into powerful forces for change. You refuse to be seen as a victim and empower yourself and other people.

These kinds of goals fit well the characteristics of a great life purpose. Generally speaking, helping other people overcoming difficulties is universal, timeless, inspiring and transcendent.

What are your biggest challenges in life? Can you leverage them to give you meaning? Can you use them to help others better their life?

What Is It That You Can’t Help To Do?

One more question you can ask yourself is: “what is it that I’m always drawn to? What is it that I can’t help from doing?

Personally, I’m naturally drawn to study. I spend considerable amount of time reading books, but it is also true that I have a terrible memory and have a very hard time remembering what I’m reading. A few years ago, I became so frustraed that I thought about stopping reading books and studying altogether.

However, my desire to study, to learn and to grow was so strong that I actually ended up studying even more. For me, it seems like I cannot escape from studying. I cannot not study.

Looking at what you are constantly drawn to might give you some indications about what may be your calling. You might call it destiny if you like.

Stop Making Finding Your Life Purpose A Big Deal

You may be trying hard to find your life purpose. However, your life purpose doesn’t have to be something extraordinary. Simple things like being a great parent or the great teacher you can possible be may very well constitute inspiring life purposes. It doesn’t really matter if you inspire one person or one million people. If your intend is pure and if it gives you a clear meaning and sense of fulfilment in life, then where is the problem? Whatever it may be, if it is exciting you and giving you intense drive why not follow this calling?

To Go Further

To go further you might want to read Steve Pavlina’s popular series of articles on life purpose here

One final question to help you find your life purpose:

“What would I do if I had all the money and time in the world?”

I hope this article was useful to you and gave you some insights on what your life purpose may be. Leave me a comment below and share with me your life purpose. I would love to know what it is.


 

Also, don’t forget to SIGN UP to get your FREE copy of my ebook. It has been downloaded more than 1,000 times now 😉

   

 

The 5 Commandments of Personal Development

The 5 Commandments of Personal Development

Step 3: Identify Your Core Values – Who Are You?

top 10 core values

When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier. – Roy E. Disney

If I ask you to give me your top 10 core values right now can you? What about your top 5 core values?

Don’t panick! We are going to work on that in this article and by the end of this article, hopefully, you will have a list of your top 10 values ready 😉

I will also share with you examples of personal values from my own life.

If you haven’t check them yet check:

Step 1: Everything Starts with Your Mindset

Step 2: Identify Your Limiting Beliefs – How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

Have you ever taken the time to think about your core values? Do you know what is really important to you? I’m not talking about what your parents or your friends think you should care about. I’m not talking about what society is relentlessly saying you you should care about. I’m talking about what truly matters to you deep down. You only! It is time to honor your values and come up with a list of you core values that will guide you throughout your life.

Which of the following choices do you believe is better?

1. Acting out of your authentic core values, doing what you love and striving to express fully yourself to the world

2. Following the “traditional” pattern: trying to make money, to become famous, to be loved, to earn recognition or to be admired by everybody

Too often we live our life as our parents, our friends or society want us to live. Chances are that you are not even aware that many of your current decisions are not really yours but are the result of social conditioning. Compare the two previous options and think of which one will make you happier. What can you do about it right now?

Notice that with the first option you are focusing on giving yourself to the world, whereas with the second option you are trying to get something from it. The Bible says “Give, and it shall be given unto you”. I encourage you to ask yourself the following question and seriously reflect on it: “do you want to give or do you want to get? Why? What does it say about you?”

Your core values form the pillars on which all your decisions in life should be based. A misalignment between your actions and your values will prevent you for reaching the level of fulfillment you aspire in life. It is only by taking the time to reflect on your values, that you will be able to set goals that are really in line with your values. Then, and only then, will you make the right decisions in your life.

It is quite ironic to see that sometimes people wake up and start living only when their doctor tell them that they have a few months left. Then, suddenly, their entire world collapses. All the falsehood in their life instantly vanishes. They realize that everything they believe matters in their life, didn’t matter at all! They experience real joy for the first time in their life. Anthony De Mello in his program “Rediscovering Life” (a must-see!) tell a story about a man who are told by his doctor that he had only 6 months to live. It is a revelation for him. Suddenly, he experienced joy as he had never experienced before. He confessed on his deathbed that those 6 months were by far the happiest time of his entire life! He is not the only one to whom that kind of experience happened.

The good news is that you don’t need to wait for a tragic accident in your life to realize what truly matters to you. And you shouldn’t! You just need to bring more awareness and open-mindedness in your life. You need to listen more to your intuition and to your emotions and less to your intellect and your thoughts, which are only the result of past conditioning. You need to question everything in order to come up with your own answers about life and what it means to you. You need to witness yourself closely and identify what makes you really happy and what doesn’t. The Buddha himself said “O monks and wise men, just as a goldsmith would test his gold by burning, cutting and rubbing it, so must you examine my words and accept them, not merely out of reverence for me.” Examine yourself!

What is it that you really love to do? What makes you happy? What does it say about your values? In this article, I want you to come up with a list of the values that matter the most to you. To help you doing that you can refer to a list that includes more than 400 values here.

You don’t necessary need to follow that list. You can come up with your own values just by reflecting on yourself, and I encourage you to do so before you go through that list. It’s by reflecting on myself that I came up with my own list of values shared below. Finding your own values might take a little bit of time, depending on how self-aware you are. Don’t worry about coming up with the perfect list right now. You can modify your list in the future and you will probably need to. As you go through various experiences in your life and become more self-aware, you may realize that what you previously believed were your core values were actually not, and that is perfectly okay.

Is living according to my values a selfish act?

If you want to live an authentic, meaningful life, you need to master the art of disappointing and upsetting others, hurting feelings, and living with the reality that some people just won’t like you. It may not be easy, but it’s essential if you want your life to reflect your deepest desires, values, and needs. – Cheryl Richardson, 21 Days to Master Extreme Self-Care

Don’t think that because you are only thinking about yourself and your happiness you are selfish. In reality, the more you will know yourself, the more you will be able to contribute to society. And anyway, everyone is selfish, whether they admit it or not. Why do you think people give to charity? Because it makes them feel good. They get something out of it. Are you selfish if you don’t want to have kids? Many people have kids because it makes them happy, it gives them the illusion of immortality, it gives them a new chance to realize their unfulfilled dreams through their children. Isn’t it selfish too in a way? Am I not selfish by writing this article and feeling good about it? It is only when you will realize who you really are, that you will stop being selfish, because you won’t be trying to get something from other people anymore.

Think about it: which is more selfish?

  • To live life on your own term by doing what you love to do, be happy and express fully yourself to the world
  • To simply do what others around you expect you to do just because you are scared; scared of not to be loved, scared of not to be recognized, scared of being criticized, scared of being laughed at, scared of not being wealthy enough?

By refusing to live to other people expectation, you will definitely hurt some people, but I’m convinced that in the end, not only the contribution you will make to the world and to people around you, but also your level of fulfillment will be far greater.

You certainly didn’t come to this world to make money, to be admired or to simply follow the herd. Nor did you come to the world to live up to other people’s expectation. You came to this world to express your authentic self! If not, what else? You came to this world to be happy. You came to this world to love. It is your responsibility to do what you need to be happy. It’s crazy to see how few people study happiness and keep in mind that the really meaning of life is to be happy; it’s crazy to see how few people question the definition of success and happiness that the society in which they were born, inculcated them with. You don’t need to buy into society’s expectation. Remember that it is not society’s responsibility to make you happy, it is yours.

Nowadays, concepts like happiness and success are so widely used in the media that they lost all their meaning. You are constantly bombarded with articles telling you how to be more successful; most of them not even mentioning what they mean by success. They dictate to you their definition of success. Make sure you are clear on your own definition of success and happiness or your entire life will be based on false assumptions that have been defined for you by the society you are living in.

My top 10 core values

Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values. – Ayn Rand

Now let me share with you my top 10 personal values

  1. Truth: I’m constantly looking for the truth since no real progress is possible without knowing the truth. Awareness is always the prerequisite to change.
  2. Integrity: I don’t do things that I believe are not right even if everyone is doing it; and even if it means I will have to pay a high price in order to live up to that value.
  3. Passion: I have passion for what I do, and follow that passion in my everyday life, regardless of the challenges ahead.
  4. Health: I want to be healthy and have more energy. I want to live longer and accomplish a lot of things.
  5. Freedom: I do what I like and I am free to change my job, to travel and to do the job I want without having someone telling me what to do.
  6. Selflessness: I help people around me regardless of whether they are my friend or not, whether they like me or not.
  7. Courage: I’m facing my fears in order to improve myself, unleash my real potential and become the real me.
  8. Fairness: I’m always trying to be fair with people and not to give unfair advantage to my friends or family.
  9. Progress: I feel joy in working on myself and learning new skills and I want to encourage other people to do the same.
  10. Uniqueness: I believe that I’m unique and that I should not be afraid of standing out and doing things that really matter to me

It’s your turn now. What are your top values? Make a list of your top ten personal values. Put it in a place where you can see it every day and go through it regularly and refine it. Refer to it when you need to make decisions in your life.

N.B. it is okay if you come up with more/less than 10 values.

Having a personal values list give you direction

It is easy to get trapped in the rat race and to constantly compare yourself to others around you to see how well you are doing. (See Why I Stopped Comparing Myself to Others – and Why You Should Do The Same). The less clear you are on your values, the more you are likely to follow the herd despite the fact that it is not bringing you any real fulfillment. Once you become clear on your values, you become more grounded and you progressively start taking control of your life. You stop being a puppet influenced by others. Because your actions are perfectly coherent and in line with your core values, even people who disagree with you can’t help but to respect you for being authentic and living in integrity with yourself. People feel that they can trust you.

Knowing your core values also allows you to better design your life. You know what you want and you know what to look for. As a result, it becomes easier to make decision in all areas of your life since you have clear criteria you can rely on to make your own judgment. Should you accept that promotion? Your values will tell you! Are you willing to spend more time at work to make more money? Or is spending time with your family more important? By being clear on your values you will be able to answer that question.

Let me illustrate my point by sharing with you some concrete examples of my personal values.

Freedom

I feel very motivated when I’m free to do whatever I want to do. I’m willing to work long hours and to earn a modest salary, just to enjoy that sense of freedom. For that reason, being self-employed is more appealing to me than working in a big company that would offer stability, a very high salary or social status. Freedom is one of my core values; stability, money and social status aren’t and are of little value to me.

Passion

I want to do what I love to do, that is: spend my time doing personal development work, studying psychology, reading books, writing articles and e-books and inspire people to follow their passion and find peace and happiness. If I had to choose between:

  1. Doing what I love everyday with almost no vacation and a very modest salary
  2. Being paid a lot of money to work for a big company that also offers long vacations

Which option do you believe I would choose?

Progress

I enjoy studying, learning new skills and growing. A job that doesn’t allow me to do that isn’t appealing to me, regardless of the money, status or recognition it might bring me.

Uniqueness

I believe that we are all unique and for that reason, I stay away from conformity. I strive to live in integrity with myself and not to care about what society or other people expect me to be or to do. Most of us care way too much about what other people think of us. Our happiness should not depend on what other people think of us or it will be at the mercy of other people’s subjective judgment of us. Their praise will make us happy, their critics will make us miserable. Understand that they know nothing about your intention, nothing about your story and more generally nothing about you! I realize that, more often than not, the image that people have of me is absolutely not who I am. They just judge me based on limited observations they made about me. Adding to that, I have to admit that I’m not the best at expressing my emotions (let alone in foreign languages like English or Japanese). Moreover, their observations are greatly the result of their own subjective story and experience of life. They reflect their personal interpretation of the world. I realized that the image I have of other people is probably quite wrong too and try to refrain from judging people as much as I can.

Anyway, what people think of you is none of your business!

What about you? What are your top 10 core values? Are you currently embodying those core values? If not, what prevents you to do so? Leave me a comment below and share with me what your personal values list.

See also:

Step 1: Everything Starts with Your Mindset

Step 2: Identify Your Limiting Beliefs – How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs

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The 5 Commandments of Personal Development

The 5 Commandments of Personal Development

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Step 2: Identify Your Limiting Beliefs – How To Overcome Limiting Beliefs

The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can’t are both right. Which one are you? – Henry Ford

How to overcome limiting beliefs

Before reading this article I recommend you to read First Step: Everything Start with Your Mindset if you haven’t read it yet.

Are you asking yourself “Why do I feel stuck in life?”. This article is made for you. In this article I will explain:

  • What limiting beliefs are
  • How to identify your limiting beliefs
  • How to overcome limiting beliefs

 

What Are Limiting Beliefs?

So what are limiting beliefs? Limiting beliefs are the assumptions on which we base our life. That’s why it is important to be aware of the limiting beliefs that are holding us back in our life. Our reality is the result of our beliefs. Our world is limited by what we think it’s possible. However our reality is not reality. What we think we can do and what we can actually do can be totally different. Accepting that our limiting beliefs are not the truth but are only “our truth” is the first step to let go of those limiting beliefs.

Where Do Limiting Beliefs Come From?

Limiting beliefs are the result of what we experienced in the past, what our parents, our friends or our teachers told us, as well as what we heard in the TV, read in the newspaper and so on. Every data that our brain receives, can turn into a belief after a long period of exposure. Traumas that happened to us when we were kids might also have a deep impact on what we believe is possible or not.

Why Should You Get Rid of Limiting Beliefs?

Limiting beliefs are holding you back in your life. They create a reality that is not necessarily the reality that you want. You are not necessarily aware of all the limiting beliefs that you might have but your subconscious mind will always act in accordance with those beliefs. Beliefs are simply thoughts repeated again and again over time and that you subconscious mind has accepted as true. Remember that your subconscious mind is impersonal and doesn’t care whether the information you feed it with is true or not. It will accept everything as true.

Beliefs are thoughts and thoughts determine your action. In the exact same situation, people with different beliefs will act differently, and as a result will get different results. Since your beliefs are the foundation of your life, you should make sure that the beliefs you hold are empowering you rather than limiting you.

Your subconscious mind will not only control the actions you take but will also sabotage what you are doing if it is inconsistent with its truth. For instance, you might feel that you don’t deserve to be loved, or that you are not enough and will sabotage your relation or avoid a promotion without even necessarily being aware of it. Or you might think that you don’t deserve to be happy. There are many ways we sabotage ourselves every day.

If I “know” my fate is to be unhappy, I must not allow reality to confuse me with happiness. It is not I who must adjust to reality, but reality that must adjust to me and to my “knowledge” of the way things are and are meant to be. – Nathaniel Branden, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem

One of the major limiting beliefs I have is “I’m not good enough”. I realize that no matter how hard I study or work, it never seems to be enough. Because I believe everything I do is never good enough, I procrastinate because “anyway, even if I work very hard it won’t be enough”, or I just give up because “I’m not good enough so I won’t succeed anyway”. One other thing I do is setting unrealistic goals or at least goals that will take months or years of hard work to succeed, and then set myself up for failure. I’m barely getting started but already said to myself that what I do sucks. I’m trying to escape instead of doing my best. I’m giving up. Probably, because if I give my very best and fail, I would discover that I’m “really not good enough”. It must be the fight and flight response. My brain has good intentions: it is trying to protect me, but it’s holding me back instead.

Here are some examples of limiting beliefs:

  • I’m not good enough
  • I’m not supposed to be here, I’m an impostor
  • Money doesn’t grow on trees
  • I’m shy, it is just who I am
  • I’m fat, it is just who I am
  • I can’t do this, I can’t do that

You don’t get in life what you want, you get in life what you are, what you subconsciously believe that you deserve. – Les Brown

If you don’t believe you can do something it is unlikely that you will ever be able to do it. If you think you don’t deserve something you will probably never get it. It is as simple as that. Do you belief you can become a successful entrepreneur who earns millions of dollars if you held the belief that money is evil or that rich people are lacking integrity. One of the big problems with limiting belief is that it prevents you to see opportunities and to seize these opportunities to achieve your goals. If you think that you are not good enough, you will probably not consider some options that you have because you believe it is out of your reach. On the contrary, if you believe that you deserve the best you will start to realize that you have way more options that you previously believed. You will try things that you believed you didn’t deserve before and will likely succeed. As a result, you will progressively build confidence in yourself.

Many people make a big deal about writing a book, giving a lecture, creating a business or building a website but nowadays, it is very easy for instance to write a e-book and publish it on amazon. Creating a website is way simpler than it used to be. You can always find a way to give lecture somewhere and progressively build your reputation. I’m always astonished at how some people in my family for instance are lacking the confidence to take action and do what they really want to do.

How To Overcome Limiting Beliefs?

What Are Your Limiting Beliefs?

You can’t change your thoughts if you don’t know what your thoughts are. – Louise L. Hay

Which areas of your life are you not happy about? What is holding you back? Can you identify any negative belief you have?

Write on paper your beliefs about the following things

  • Money
  • Men/women
  • Relationship
  • Happiness
  • Success
  • Self-esteem
  • Career

Below are some examples of limiting beliefs

Potential limiting beliefs about money:

I want more money but

  • I don’t think I deserve it
  • To earn more money I need to be dishonest
  • Money is very hard to make
  • My friends won’t like me anymore if I earn more money

Potental limiting beliefs about women:

  • I need more money to attract women
  • This woman is to pretty/smart/good for me
  • Only bad boys get the girls

Potential limiting beliefs about happiness:

  • I will be happy when…
  • I have all these shortcomings; I don’t deserve to be happy
  • I hurt people in the past I don’t deserve to be happy
  • I can’t allow myself to be happier than my parents/friends…

Can you find any negative beliefs? If so, see how you can turn those negative beliefs into positive beliefs and use positive affirmations to progressively let go of those negative beliefs.

 

Change Your Basic Assumptions

Just taking some time to fully realize that what other people can do you can do too can be an effective way to get rid of your limiting beliefs. Not so long ago I used to think that I didn’t really deserve to be happy and that I wasn’t good enough. I’m still fighting this limiting belief just as I’m writing this article, but a few months ago I had this moment when I said to myself “This is bullshit. I deserve the best that life has to offer to me. I deserve an amazing job, an amazing girlfriend, an amazing environment, an amazing life, and I’m gonna go and get what I deserve”. I had to completely get rid of those moments when I was playing the victim and take entire responsibility for my life. I changed my basic assumptions to:

– There is nothing that I cannot do (other people did it before and all had to start from somewhere). If there is something I cannot do right now, then I will fail as many times as I need until I can do it. There is nothing that cannot be learned and if we have a strong enough “why” for what we are doing, we will overcome obstacles and reach our goals.

– Money is great. I used to have some limiting beliefs about money. It might be because my friends were often from modest families and would reproach me to be richer than they were. Also, in France, I believe that people are particularly jealous of other people who earn more money than they are; people who make money tend also to be seen as dishonest. The reality is that money is neutral. It is simply a reflection of the value you are creating for the society. If you can come up with products or services which are creating great value to your customers you will earn more money. If you are making a lot of money in an honest way it’s just mean that you are creating a lot of value which is good news for the overall society. Making a lot of money should not be a goal in itself, it should be the by-product of the value you are creating for the society. Every day you should ask yourself the following questions “How can I create more value? How can I better serve people? How can I reach out to a broader audience? Having more money give you more leverage to have an impact on the world. It will allow you to create a new business or a NGO, or to give money to charity for instance.

Challenge Your Limiting Beliefs

To get rid of a limiting belief you need first to challenge it by using the power of rationality. You should behave like a scientist trying to gather any evidence available to prove that the assumption you held  (your limiting belief) is not true. You should question everything and become extremely skeptical. Nothing should be accepted as the truth without your consentment.

Ex: I’m shy, it is just who I am.

But wait a minute last time that girl didn’t notice I was shy. That guy said I look very confident when I gave my speech. If some people perceive me as confident, doesn’t it mean that I’m confident? What if I’m not actually shy? What if I believe that I’m shy but I’m actually not? And in this book I was reading last week, this guy was even more shy than me and now is super confident. If he can do it, there is no reason why I cannot do it.

Your present beliefs were created by thoughts plus emotions so get emotional about it. Get angry about yourself for believing such a stupid assumption, for having sold you short. Talk to yourself about how ridiculous was this belief. Write it down. You probably notice that it’s often when people think “enough is enough” that they actually start to undertake drastic changes. Try to create that kind of situation by getting emotional. It is important because if you don’t really touch the bottom you might never reach that point where enough is enough and thus you will not change.

Ask you why you can and how

If you have some limiting beliefs about something you “can’t do”. Instead of saying to yourself that you can’t do it, just imagine for a moment that you can, take a pen and a piece of paper and brainstorm on how you are going to do it. Repeat this process every day and your limiting belief will gradually disappear.

Use Positive affirmations to reshape your image

Positive affirmations are sentences you repeat to yourself again and again on a regular basis in order to reach your subconscious mind and have it accept that new belief. It is very easy to do and can be a very effective tool to let go of your limiting beliefs. The first positive affirmations I tried were “I love being confident” (I’m still using it every day) and “I am independent of the good or bad opinions of others”.

How do you use positive affirmation?

  • Use the present tense and not the future tense (ie. “I am” not “I will”)
  • Avoid negative forms like “I’m not shy” and use instead “I’m confident”
  • Repeat the sentence again and again during 5 minutes (use a timer for more convenience)
  • Do it every single day without exception for at least a month, and preferably 2 months

In my case I started noticing some changes after a week or two and felt that I care less about what people thought about me. Positive affirmations might not solve the problem but will pave the way for further actions and help you build some momentum.

Use Positive visualization 

Positive visualization will allow you to create imagined experience by using your imagination. Your subconscious mind cannot tell the difference between an imagined experience and a real experience. As a result, the more you will visualize a situation, a state of mind or a goal you have, the more you will be able to reach your subconscious mind that will accept those experiences as real. Limiting beliefs are the result of experiences accumulated in the past; the more you will feed your mind and substitute those thoughts by new thoughts, the better you will be able to get rid of your limiting beliefs.

Listen to Free Self-Hypnosis Sessions/Positive Affirmations

Additionally, you will find many self-hypnosis sessions and positive affirmations on youtube. You might want to listen to them on a daily basis.

Practical Exercises

Here is what you can do to get rid of your limiting beliefs

– Identify one limiting belief that hold you back in your life – The areas of your life you are not satisfied right now are probably those in which you have serious limiting beliefs.

– Ask yourself if that limiting belief is rational. Analyze your belief objectively as if you were an external observer and look for proofs that this belief is wrong. Add deep feeling of anger and indignation: “How can I have been so stupid during all those years and let this ridiculous belief control my life?”

– Switch your thoughts from “I can’t to “I can and here is how I’m gonna do it”. Then, take a pen and a piece of paper and brainstorm about how you are going to do it.

– Use positive affirmation daily for 5 minutes in order to allow your subconscious mind to accept a new empowering belief that will take the place of your old limiting belief. Most people tend to care to much about what other people think of them so try this affirmation to begin with “I’m totally independent of the good or bad opinion of others”. Tell me when you start noticing some changes.

– Use visualization daily for 5 minutes or more to create imagined experience that will make this new belief more real. (See The Power of Positive Visualization)

What about you? What are the limiting beliefs that are really holding you back in life? Please leave a comment below and share them with me.

 

See: First Step: Everyting Starts With Your Mindset

The One Factor That Determines Your Life

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Step 1: Everything Starts with Your Mindset

everything start with your mindset

I’m super excited to work together with you on this extraordinary journey that is personal development. You will find many articles online telling you how to be more productive, to be happier and so on, but I believe that to be truly successful and live our life to the fullest, it all starts with our mindset. The key to success is our ability to control our thoughts and master our psychology; everything else is a by-product of that process. If you can do that, you will open the doors to success, love, money, wealth and everything you have ever been dreaming of.

Thus, rather than simply writing articles on various topics about personal development, I would like you to let me be your guide in your quest towards self-improvement, through different steps that I believe are essential for those who want to learn how to unleash their true potential.

If you look at successful people, you will find that they don’t necessarily come from well-off families and many are actually self-made men coming from various backgrounds. Most of them are not smarter than you or me. Then, what makes them successful? I believe that the number one reason is their mindset. If we are really determined to live an extraordinary life, developing a mindset for success is a MUST! So how do you do that?H

Understanding Your Limiting Beliefs


First, all human beings have limiting beliefs, that is, false beliefs that are the result of their environment and that they hold as true. For instance, some people believe that money is evil and that rich people are all corrupted. Other believe that they are not smart enough, not strong enough, not confident enough, that they are not talented enough or that they are not coming from the right background. All those beliefs are difficult to change, firstly because we might not be aware of them and of the profound impact they have on us, secondly because they are located deep down in our subconscious and thus cannot be accessed easily. However, learning how to overcome limiting beliefs is essential.

There is No Skills You Cannot Learn


People who can get rid of most of their limiting beliefs will gradually realize that the only obstacle that prevents them from being successful is themselves. In reality, we all have more or less the same brain. Thousands of thousands of people of average intelligence have accomplished great things throughout history. It is not because they are talented, it is because they kept learning and learning throughout their entire life and developed the skills they needed to accomplish what they accomplished. I believe that too many people are overrating talent and use it as an excuse for their inaction. I don’t know where you are now, and how far you are from where you want to be, but you should understand that any skill you need to acquire in order to close the gap between where you are and where you want to be can be acquired. There is absolutely no limit with what you can learn. You can learn to be charismatic, confident, attractive, persistent, disciplined, happier, compassionate, positive, curious, grateful… Absolutely anything. And all the knowledge is available out there!

I believe that we have all amazing capacities, but unfortunately many people are not aware of how much they could accomplish if only they were clear about what they really want in life and consistently develop plans of action to achieve their goals. Most people spend more time planning about their next vacation as they are trying to escape their job than planning their ideal life and working on it. Do you have your goals written for this week? This month? This year? Did you set specific and measurable goals for your health, your career, your relationships or your finance for the coming years? We will discuss in details about the importance of setting goals in further articles as it is one of the key to success.

The Beginning of My Journey


When I really start working hard on myself was about three years ago. I was studying hard but I wasn’t really working hard on myself and was avoiding my real problems. I actually started by doing research on internet on how to be more confident with girls. I had always been shy and afraid to take any action at school, at work or more generally in social interactions. As I was reading books written by “pick-up artist” I realized the importance of limiting beliefs.

For instance, I used to think that such or such girls was too pretty for me, but just by deciding that this was total bullshit and that no girls was too pretty for me, I began to attract girls that i would have considered “too pretty” for me. The only thing that had changed was my mindset but it lead to a change of attitude, which lead to a change of behavior.

By now, I hope you begin to understand how limiting beliefs can hold you back in your life. They often lead to self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe that you are not smart enough, what are the chances that you will take action to develop yourself and move towards your dreams. Actually, even if you were to take action you will probably fail. Why? Because you will use the slightest setback as a way to justify you are a failure: “See, I failed. I’m a total loser” and you will sabotage yourself. That’s why it is essential to be aware of our limiting beliefs.

Exercise: Positive Brainwashing


As a first step, I would like you to spend two weeks just getting familiar with the mindset and the philosophy that is required to start the process of personal development. All the limited beliefs we hold are the result of a constant exposure to certain ideas over a long period of time. It is no so different to what happens in certain religious sects where gurus brainwash you until you believe what they want you to believe. One very important thing to know about our subconscious mind is that it cannot distinguish between what is true and what is not. As a result, it will accept whatever you feed it with.

I would like you to reverse the process by doing what I called “positive brainwashing”, that is to make sure that you are exposed to positive and empowering ideas every single day. For the next two weeks what I would like you to do is to start your day by spending at least 30 minutes reading inspiring materials, listening to inspiring audiobooks or watching motivational videos. I personally watch motivational videos or listen to inspiring audiobooks every single day while I’m preparing and eating my breakfast.

Motivational videos can be more powerful than people might think if you discipline yourself to watch them everyday. After a while, you are likely to find some particular words or expressions that will resonate within you and you will find yourself repeating those expressions to yourself when facing difficult times. We will see later other tools you can apply to change your mindset and adopt a more positive attitude.

During the first stage of my journey towards personal growth where I work on becoming more confidence around women, I discovered the power of psychology and how changing our mind affect our attitude as well as the way people react to us.

In the second stage, I further worked on my attitude and was greatly influenced by the following audiobooks that I highly recommend you: The Art of Exceptional Living by Jim Rohn and Lead The Field by Earl Nightingale. Both are very famous American motivational speakers. I listened to those audiobooks countless time and still do now. I introduced Jim Rohn’s audiobook to several of my friends and it was a true revelation for them. I’m convinced that those two audiobooks will significantly impact your philosophy of life.

Alternatively, you might want to read, As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, which is about how our thoughts shape our life. The Kindle version is free and the paperback version costs only $3.

You can also listen to various motivational videos on Youtube. Here are some recommendations:

http://youtu.be/PWUftpAMy0Y



http://youtu.be/e2ap6fd_sXY

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